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[24 Nov 2003|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christina Aguilera - I'm O.K |
] |
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more"
Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done
To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on
::such a sad song...but it's even worse to actually think and realize how much truth is in it::
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|
| New Background |
[18 Nov 2003|11:15am] |
i love her new song
so i had to make my background her
jessie made this look so much better
a while ago
but i ruend it
but it still looks hot
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|
| 4 White Walls |
[16 Nov 2003|04:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind - So Far Away |
] |
i feel like i'm being hold hostage
i feel like i'm locked up
my true self never being able let out
i listen to the song of my life
i'm sorry i'm not perfect
sounds stupid and superficial
but it's odd how much that song relates to me
i feel like i'm not who i want to be
i'm afraid to walk around in my own home
afraid that my true self will be let out
and i will be punished
i know one day it's going to happen
i will slip and i will be yelled and screamed at
i'm just waiting for the day to come
i'm regretting it so much
i'm afraid, i shake, i cry
every-night the dream comes back
moving seams so easy
a nice get away to live somewhere
where i can be myself
where i can walk around with no worries
with my head up high knowing their proud
why can't i have the courage, to do so.
|
|
| Why |
[13 Nov 2003|04:48pm] |
Why am i going through all of this?
Why am i trying so hard, to get nothing out of it?
Why do i constantly put so much pressure on myself?
Why do i push myself so far to where i get hurt?
Why am i having emotional break downs so much?
Why do i feel like everything i've worked for went down the drain?
Why...
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|
| I can't take this |
[11 Nov 2003|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
who cares |
] |
I can't take this anymore
i want to move out
i want to live with someone who understand
who understands i'm 15
i don't know how i've lasted here so long
i just can't seem to take it anymore
i want to come home to a place
where i wont automatically get yelled at
someone who appreciates my thoughts and actions
won't criticize me of my every move
i want to move out
i don't know how much longer it will be
1 day or never...
|
|
| Halloween |
[31 Oct 2003|08:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thirsty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Matrix Reloaded DvD |
] |
Pretty good halloween
got some good candy
although i gave it all to my sister
i actually got to hang out with Will
With my dad actually letting me go..
wow, if you would only know my dad
you would now how sweet that was
i hope everyone had a good halloween
*i'm off to chill with my cheer buddies
Competition, Game, Party tomorrow
CAN'T WAIT
SPARTANS PLEASE WIN!
|
|
| Sam ::thumbs up:: |
[29 Oct 2003|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Marques Houston - Pop That Booty |
] |
This Saturday
Wolverines vs. Spartans
i hope the spartans win
just so i can shove it in two people's face
ooo sweet victory
Sunday is my day to party with my best friend
yes sam.
maybe she'll even want me to stay the night sat.
after my competition of course
yes i will be done with cheerleading
party at craigs
that is going to be sweet as hell
hopefully i can go
maybe if sam want's me to stay the night
we can chill at his house for a little bit
or just chill at her house and have our own party
cause we always do!
ahhh she's the best
BREAD STICKS KICK ASS.
("i'll be your crying shoulder" what song is that!!!)
smoke your little heart out ::thumbs up::
|
|
| Homecoming |
[22 Oct 2003|10:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christina Aguilera - Fighter |
] |
Excited more then anything
but nearvous also
i still am having the thoughts
i'm going to look horriable
i'm gaining weight
i'm going to dance horriable
knowing i've never really tried, lol
i mean i have
i just get realy nearvous
geez, sounds like i'm going
to have a great time
I WILL THOUGH
cause i'm going to be with
my favorite people
~Alex and Josh Suck!
Cedar point- No
Homecoming- yes
|
|
| :) |
[17 Oct 2003|02:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Outkast - hey ya |
] |
I have a crush :)
|
|
| Truth |
[12 Oct 2003|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something Corporate - Konstantine |
] |
mis ojos son todos fuera de gritos, y mi corazón no puede tomar más mentiras..
|
|
| Get over it |
[07 Oct 2003|06:18pm] |
Drinking and Smoking
i just need to deal with it
|
|
| Wonderful |
[04 Oct 2003|09:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something Corporate - Konstantine |
] |
Well the past two days have been going pritty good. I have no complaints. Everyone has been nice. I've been having a great time. But i do feel bad about one thing. I've been ditching my friends for the same two people for a couple of days. I'm totally against, doing that. I'm not trying to do it on purpose. I guess i'm just caught up in everything. I just hope my friends don't get mad at me for it. I'm going to try and fix this problem Monday. I just hope it doesn't come out to what happened today. I tried to talk to my other friends, but the two that i usually hang out with, well one of them got kinda upset that i didn't spend as much time with them...Ahh this is going to be a challenge. I'm up for it.
|
|
| Ahh |
[30 Sep 2003|10:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something Corporate - Konstantine |
] |
i'm sitting here listening to konstantine over and over. Just reading everyone's thoughts. Not snooping, but just reading. Looking at what some girls on my team think of cheerleading. I agree with them...Everyone thinks its just so much fun, and just so easy. Well...the fun is gone, it's getting confusing with everyone yelling which makes it not so easy. Today for like 10 min. all we did was scream, fall on the ground and fight. Wow some team. i don't have anything against anyone on the team. But can we just have one day were we can all get along and stop fighting. Courtney is helping out and everyone is yelling at her. Stephanie is getting just a hard time from the coach for no apparent reason. Jakie has enough crap going on, i don't think she needs everyone else's crap. NO ONE DESERVES ANYTHING THEY ARE GETTING DEALT OUT.
But yeah besides that fun stuff, things have been going pretty good. Sam is going out with Cory :). I'm happy...i'm happy...yes i'm happy. I'm meeting more people. I have some of the best friends anyone can ever have. I'm usualy having a pritty good time at school. Except when someone get's mad at me, for just sitting with someone else :( i hate that (GOD I DON'T WANT HIM TO ACT MAD AT ME ANYMORE!)
oh yeah and if i haven't already said this again...Brian is the rudest person i have ever meet before. I can't believe he is so rude...i mean it's hard to believe someone can actually go to sleep every night knowing they are making someone's life hell. but whatever floats his boat.
it kills me to see my friends are upset. To see Zack the past day's just with the saddest look, just makes me get upset. When my friends don't feel good...it makes me not feel good. To hear my friend is going through some hard times, then getting some more stupid crap to deal with, just makes me mad. But most of all, it pisses me off how people think they can say anything they want about people when THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM. Especially to people that have to be the most caring people i know. People suck sometimes.
|
|
| Stranger |
[28 Sep 2003|06:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
uncomfortable |
] |
I feel like a stranger in my own home
the worse part about it
i'm not the only one who feels this way
why do so many people feel like strangers
in their own home?
|
|
| Who agree's? |
[28 Sep 2003|03:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Limp Bizkit - Eat You Alive |
] |
Who agrees with me that it's total b.s that no one can download music anymore, without getting a threat of getting fined?
|
|
| Burning Bright |
[24 Sep 2003|06:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shinedown - Burning Bright |
] |
This has to be the best song out there
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
CHORUS (2)
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
CHORUS (2)
|
|
| Hurt |
[23 Sep 2003|08:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind - Epiphany |
] |
To see all these tears dropping from people faces...it tears me apart. To think that i had no idea i drove by the accident friday afternoon. With no idea what i was driving by. To see my friends with their faces all wet. The eyes all red. It tears me up to know how much they are hurt. I see Zack upset, and all i want to do is go up to him and hug him to let him know i'm there for him. I see Will speechless, trying his best to get through this. To see guys going up to eachother holding each other as tight as they can, crying. It tears me up. Going up to his parking spot at the school. Seeing all the flowers layed down...reminds me how much i need to be there for my friends. Tyler Richards was loved by so many people. He'll never be forgotten.
|
|
| Friends |
[23 Sep 2003|06:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Saliva - Rest In Peices |
] |
To all of my friends:
i love you all so much
never forget im nothing with out you
if you were to leave me...
i wouldn't be the same
each one of you
has something special with me
never forget how much i care
how much i don't want to be without you
i love you all so much
|
|
| Hard Times |
[21 Sep 2003|07:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind - Epiphany |
] |
It's hard to turn down someone
you actually really like
but when you can't hang out with them after school
unless one of your buddies are there
it just seem's pointless
you want to try your best to make it possible
but you just know inside it will never work
it will drive you both crazy to know
school is the only connection you have
i wish he would understand all of this
but i don't know how to tell him
i just wish it could all happen
to where i can say yes
have both of us be happy
9-20-2003 R.I.P Tyler Richards
|
|
| Great Conversation |
[16 Sep 2003|08:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind - It's Been A While |
] |
I had such a wonderful conversation today
finally someone who thinks the way i do
it was so nice to hear everything they said
everything they said was what i think
i wish more people thought this way
"what pisses me off is when people cant accept me for WHO I AM"
"people are so judgemental, they cant just accept other people for who they are, people cant accept that other people arent exactly like them"
"what they dont realise is that life would be so much easier if they just accepted other people"
"man some people live for the drama"
"make shit worse for yourself, leave other people alone"
"if i can put a smile on someones face or make someone feel good i feel like ive done something worthwhile"
"putting people down is so worthless and pointless"
|
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